Introspection

Things I often deal with:

Love

What is it? Is it physical attraction? The books tell me, no, it's more than that, because you can be attracted to many at once regardless of whom exactly you love. Is it, then, the simplicity of liking someone? An I in love with my favorite person? When I think, "This person in front of me is my favorite person," presuming I'm not talking about family, am I in love? The books tell me, no, it's different than that, because you can be close friends without being in love. Is it the passion? I don't know. I don't want it to be. I want it to be deeper than that. If my best friend is in love with me, and everyone else thinks we should be/are already dating, am I also in love? Is it ok for me to say, "No, I'm not in love with you?" Am I placing too much in the word? Where do you draw the line? Is it ok to love multiple people? To love despite gender, despite age, despite race? Is it ok to marry without love? Can love be attained or grown into? I can say I've never been in love all I want, but have I? In elementary school, when I admired and followed a boy with all of my heart, was that love? In kindergarten, when I was going to marry a classmate when I grew up, was that love? Was I in love with that best friend? Am I in love, now, with my "favorite person?"

Do question marks go inside or outside of the quotation marks?

Time

I think that children want to be adults, adults reminisce about childhood, and college students live for the moment. Everyone wants to be in college. I am a high schooler, but my entire life from middle school on, even before, was centered around wanting to go back. What does that make me? Depressed? Mature? Of course, some college students are still "children," wanting to hurry up and join the workforce. Some people probably had miserable childhoods and don't think about the past. I romanticize my days before "everything happened," most if it to me. Not by me. Is it wrong to live wishing to return? I picture my early childhood as green and lush, nature, and I remember games and friends and trusting teachers. I remember the innocent crimes committed in the folly of youth. Do I sound old yet? Is the meaning of youth to cherish the future that seems so bright? Is the meaning of maturity to accept a dull future and instead remember fondly? I don't want to be in high school, but I'm scared of the future as well. I just want to revert to my glory days. Is that so wrong? These days my future seems awful. I don't know what to do. I'll end up going to college and becoming a librarian, maybe translating as a side-project, maybe not. I'll eventually marry and have kids, probably adopted, or I'll stay alone. Why does that seem so boring? But I don't want to stay the way I am now, a child to my peers and an adult to everyone else. I hate this. I don't want to live the rest of my life watching anime and half-heartedly reading and playing video games. I'm sick of this. I hate the lack of uncertainty. All the same, I've set up this stupid boring life for myself and its selfish to leave it now. I guess I'll stay on this track for a whole longer.